Episode 109

Win Your Mental Health with Dr. Mark Goulston | Win the Day® podcast
October 18, 2022
Dr. Mark Goulston is one of the world's top psychiatrists. He is a 9x bestselling author, contributor to Harvard Business Review, and has appeared on Oprah.
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In this episode of Win the Day:

Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in the world, with almost 1 million people each year taking their own life.

In August this year, a high-profile rugby league coach, Paul Green, died from suicide at the age of 49. He was known for his generous heart, trademark smile, and willingness to help anyone who needed it. Green leaves behind a wife and two children who will never be the same again.

The reason this interview is so important to me is because of what’s at stake for you and I, the other people who watch and listen to this show, and all the people we’re connected with. Through the lessons in this episode, and our commitment to taking action, we can prevent the indescribable pain that people experience from the suicide of a loved one.

Thankfully, we have Dr. Mark Goulston, one of the world’s top communication experts, to help. Originally a UCLA professor of psychiatry for over 25 years – and a former FBI and police hostage negotiation trainer – Dr. Goulston’s expertise has been forged and proven in the crucible of real-life, high stakes situations.

He’s a corporate consultant for some of the world’s most renowned organizations – including Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, Disney, and the FBI – where he helps their teams become the best version of themselves.

Dr. Goulston is a contributor to the Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, and Psychology Today; a TEDx speaker; and author of nine books, including smash hit Just Listen which has been translated into 20+ languages.

He’s been named one of America's Top Psychiatrists and has appeared on Oprah, CNN, and The Today Show.

In this episode:

  • How to initiate hard conversations to build the connection with loved ones
  • What families who have been affected by suicide can do to recover
  • How to encourage a growth mindset in your children
  • The simple psychological method to get a promotion – and grow your career fast; and
  • Lessons and impactful moments from Mark’s extraordinary career.

Let’s WIN THE DAY with Dr. Mark Goulston!


0:16 Who is Dr Mark Goulston

2:11 Interview starts

3:40 Biggest turning point in Mark’s life

11:42 Anxiety and depression

12:56 Listening into someone’s spirit

14:18 Listening into someone’s eyes

16:46 Listening into someone’s soul

22:10 Why people take their own life

25:25 How to talk with your teenager (four prompts of surgical empathy)

30:17 The mental health epidemic

36:09 Suicidal vs Attention-seeking behavior

40:15 How to talk to your friends (and the problem with “Are you okay?”)

47:17 The seven words exercise

53:01 How do we motivate young adults?

1:00:05 How to move on from suicide in the family

1:04:51 How to read people as quickly as possible

1:09:43 HUVA exercise to get better at being present

1:15:37 How to get a ‘yes’ in your most important conversations

1:20:22 Regrets as a father

1:24:31 How to communicate with grandchildren

1:26:51 Best day affirmation

1:27:28 Rocket Round

1:35:27 What to do when you fail


Resources / links mentioned:

🎯 Download your FREE Win the Day action plan

⚡ Dr. Mark Goulston website.

📷 Dr. Mark Goulston Instagram.

📚 Dr. Mark Goulston books on Amazon.

🎬 ‘Tell My Story’ documentary film.

🎤 TEDx Talk ‘What Made You Smile Today?’ by Mark Goulston.

 🧠 ‘What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing’ by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry.

🏎 ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ by Daniel Kahneman.

🎬 Subscribe to Win the Day YouTube channel

💚 Give the Win the Day podcast a 5-star rating on Apple Podcasts

🙏 Give the Win the Day podcast a 5-star rating on Spotify

💕 Win the Day Facebook group

📝 Win the Day newsletter [weekly LinkedIn exclusive]

Inspiring quotes in this episode:
  • "In any conversation, be curious as to what the other person is listening for – without judgment, without an agenda, and without selling them." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "I’m going to find you wherever you are, and I’m going to keep you company there – as long as it takes. Because I don’t want you to be alone there anymore. Would that be okay?" - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "People who take their own life feel despair – they are unpaired with reasons to live: hopeless, helpless, powerless, worthless, useless, purposeless. Then they pair with death because death offers them relief and says, "I'll take your pain away." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "How to talk to your teenager about mental health:1. When you’re feeling the most awful about yourself or your life, how awful does that feel? 2. When you’re feeling that, how alone do you feel with it? 3. Take me to the last time you felt it. 4. When you’re feeling that way, or close to that way, I want you to do whatever it takes to get my undivided attention." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "When people are anxious or depressed, you have to go where they’re at. They can’t come to where you’re at." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "We’re born innocent and we’re dependent on what the world pours into us." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "Your unmotivated teenager probably feels like a burden, a disappointment. Go where they are and give them the unsolicited apology." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "Use the HUVA exercise to get better at being 100% present with another: • How much did they feel heard out by me? • How much did they feel understood by me? • How much do they feel valued by me? • How much did they feel I added value to them?" - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "People are always listening for something. When a conversation goes sideways, don’t get agitated. Instead, drop your agenda, then ask them what they’re looking for." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "People like Elon Musk and Steve Jobs see the unknown as an adventure to be lived. But 95% of people look at the unknown as a danger to be avoided." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "Anxious people are already overwhelmed. They don’t have room for anything you want to say to them. You have to go where they’re at." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "When people feel less alone, suffering that they can't live with becomes pain that they can." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "When you get someone to tell you something so clearly that you see it with your eyes, they re-feel it." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "When someone says ‘no’ to you in life, it doesn't mean you're wrong or you shouldn't do something. It just means they won't help you." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "The world won’t overindulge your kids, so why should you?" - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "There is an incredible power to an unsolicited, heartfelt apology." - Dr. Mark Goulston
  • "Teenagers don't want advice, they want comfort. They want to feel better first before they try a solution." - Dr. Mark Goulston
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